You have always felt there are two cuckoos in your nest, if not more. One is the forceful voice you hear in your head and the other is the whimper that comes out of your mouth. They seem to co-exist uneventfully if not peacefully.
It has been growing inside you for months, prodding, teasing and pontificating. But you can’t…just do it. It’s not like ripping off a bandage now is it? So you build a strategy, an exit strategy. It’s about time you applied some of your business acumen to your personal business.
Off course, you can’t just stand up and leave. That only happens in movies and sitcoms. In all your years as a paddler, you have never seen anyone stand up and yell, ‘I quit!’ Maybe you are not working in the right kind of office. Where is the drama?
Profound tragedies and arid humor do occur in your galley but at a subtle level. Oddly enough, Head Slave always seems friendlier when you have rebellion on your mind.
‘What are you thinking?’ says HS in the middle of an impromptu meeting.
‘I…was just trying to…get my head around how we are going to do this…thing,’ is your elegant reply.
‘We sure need to do a lot of thinking. We should get the server in-house next year. I want you to start working on it.’
‘Like I am gonna be here next year,’ is what you want to say. ‘…Oh..kay,’ is what you actually say with a crumpled smile.
‘Keep working this hard and we may give you an extra screen…and an assistant!’
‘That sounds…very…generous…,’ you stop short of saying thank you.
‘I want you to really sink into this thing. If you face any problems, you come straight to me. As this team gets bigger, we want good people to be in-charge.’
By good, he means government mules and by in-charge, he means fall guy. You have always been confused between negative and realistic take on things. When you are non-committal, the self-perpetuating nature of things is clearer than ever…from dictatorships to corporations to relationships.
You want to think this through but you don’t want to go Dubya on your exit strategy. Sure the world is full of opportunities. But what about the Greener Grass theory? Sure you could do better than HS? But what about the Known Devil theory? And what about all the time and energy you have invested in your current liaison/contract? What if he finds out you are straying? Sound familiar?
Between lost weekends and stretch working, HS seems to have talked more to you over the past one year than his wife and kids combined! That is a scary thought. You can’t keep this hollow relationship going for long. At some point, you have to tell him: ‘I am seeing other people!’
A very wise but evil boss told you once that no one leaves overnight, mentally; you have left six months ago. It has been about that long now.