slavesincorporated

Every Farewell Note Ever

In Motivation, Resignation, Retirement on January 18, 2016 at 04:45

Deer Phriends,

With a heavy heart and a light pocket, today I say <insert google searched French word for goodbye>

My time with Acme Chemicals has been fantabulous, like an orgasm every minute.

Thank you all for blah blah…

Life is a journey coz…who gives a f*ck about originality.

Keep in touch randomid@inevercheckthisshit.com and let’s connect on LinkedIn where I will suddenly become more active than a circus monkey high on crack.

Warm Regards,
Bud

 

Gone Fishing.png

Work and Play

In SlavesInc, Training, work life balance on March 1, 2015 at 19:27

Work and play don’t mix. But that doesn’t stop your overlords from trying. Outbound fun they call it. Predictable logos and free-size t-shirts are made. And very quietly, it is mentioned that participation is not voluntary. Everything else seems to be, voluntary i.e. From the menu to the venue. So you, the cubicle mice, have the freedom to decide. These are like all freedoms that are given away without asking, inconsequential. Carlin Illusion of choice The agenda is classified, sort of. Not many give a hoot. But most are able to fake it. Yet; all the manufactured enthusiasm in the world can’t come up with one original idea. Which is why Head Slave does the only thing left to do. Incentivize. modern_life_work_home_play_sleep ‘Surprise Gifts’ are announced for suggesting innovative lodging, boarding and catering. Between not too much fun and not too much cost, there aren’t many places left. You can’t for the life in you think of a place that is new and can pass off as fun-come-work. One sign that you have been around for too long is when waiters at hotels start recognizing you.

‘The gifts are not working, just come up with a damn place,’ Head Slave tells you in his cabin.

‘What is the gift?’ You ask to make conversation.

‘Just book a new place so people are not switched off before coming,’ he says entrusting you with the inside job.

‘It isn’t coupons again, is it?’ you express your concern.

‘Just get it done, I will personally handpick your gift,’ HS tells you.

You have reached a comfort level with the man, which is scary.

You decide on a new ‘Adventure Sports’ place up in the hills. Their website tries very hard to look casual before getting in to the Corporate Discounts section.

Post three days of zorbing, ‘team building exercises’ and compliance training, everyone is moderately satisfied. It is a mixed feeling, like the one you get at the end of every month. Bart all work and no play True to his word, HS hands over a gift to you. It truly looks like his choice. It is a vase, sort of. It is unnecessarily ornate and has a red pearl at its centre which looks like an evil eye. Actually, there are two evil eyes, one on top of the other. It could easily pass off as Mogambo’s head gear but not a vase. The Vase You don’t take it home, you can’t. But you don’t throw it away either. It stays on your desk to remind you that work and play don’t mix. Forcing them to would be like marrying science and religion, inconsequential.

– J.

Secret Santa

In HR, Office humor, SlavesInc on December 25, 2014 at 05:07

Both secrets and good deeds have been conspicuously absent from your life thus far. So a good deed carried out secretly would be against the run of play indeed. To say that the chances of such a thing happening to you or by you are low would be an understatement.

Secret Santa
Yet here you are at the mall at lunch time looking specifically for trinkets for a lady who until recently was not specified in your life. You underestimated the power of peer pressure once again. And now you have to sift through piles of overpriced diaries and yearly planners instead of chasing killer year-end deadlines.
Even the most painful of ordeals can become that much more bearable with company. Several fellow slaves you avoid eye contact with are exchanging knowing glances at the book store. A flimsy diary that costs 500 bucks for no apparent reason other than fact that it’s close to X’mas speaks to everyone’s inner arsonist.
secret-santa-office-rulessecret-santa-office-rules 2secret-santa-office-rules 3
There are other other ridiculous gifting options too including a 2-inch plastic fish that apparently swims in water and will set you back by only 565 bucks. The only item fitting your budget is gift wrapping paper. To be honest, your budget is rather low given inflation and the general trend towards consuming like there is no tomorrow. To be even more honest, your budget is set by the gift you received from your secretly assigned corporate Santa. In a world of random reciprocity, it seemed fair to assume that you should pay in kind.
Secret Santa Gift Fish
Holiday Spirit Conan
Yet; with some more effort, you finally settle for a set of curiosities that strike the right balance between novelty and economy.
Secret Santa Trinkets
Holiday Spirit Meme
You even feel good about yourself for a while. But the feeling vanishes before it turns into the rumored ‘holiday spirit.’ You did do better than the gift your own Secret Santa gave you: a pack of sugary biscuits. But true satisfaction can only come from deeds of free will. And that; is no secret.
– J.
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