slavesincorporated

The Carrot Syndrome

In humor, Office on February 5, 2011 at 14:21

It is the Promised Land. Where bosses are kinder, lunch is longer, the computers run faster and the grass does not dare to be anything but greener. The colleagues may be just as uninteresting but at least they are new. The chair won’t kill your back as much. The tea will not taste like camel piss and the loo will be more olfactory-friendly.

You are sure of all this. You are also sure of its veneer and hence temporary nature. The greatest lies are always the ones you tell yourself. Yet it persists, the perpetually dangling carrot. It has a life of its own. It sneaks up on you when you are putting in the long hours. “Last one to punch out again eh?” it asks. “You look like a wreck. If you worked in an assembly line, you would at least get over time. Flexi-timing my ass!” It taunts you when you turn down temptations: “I knew you would disappoint me. At least, you are predictable.” And it always claims to be on your side, ”I haven’t given up on you yet. But you need to give me more attention. You are not getting any younger you know.”

Hence, when you actually meet someone who has crossed over, it is a surreal experience. Here is a once-fellow mortal who has made the leap. Gotten the break and taken it! He now lives in the land of milk  and honey. Imagine that…

That is why when an ex-colleague comes to visit his ex-gallows, the not-yet-ex colleagues gather around him like moths. This same semblance of humanity used to row at no. 5 only a few lunar cycles ago. Now, he earns his bread over there…over the rainbow.

But the anticipation and novelty put together will make a semester of your life easier to remember.

And if you have not figured it out yet, the only difference between you and your ex-mate is: he had the balls to do it.

– J.

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