slavesincorporated

The Drop of Diwali

In Festivals, Holidays, Office humor, work life balance on November 12, 2012 at 15:26

‘Mr. Pai?’

Speaking

I am calling to confirm your office address

My office address? What for?

For the drop.

Err…

It is that time of the year Mr. P

But what is it?

Let’s just call it a surprise

(now in a whisper) But I…don’t like surprises. Nor does my boss. It is against policy in fact.

We can always send it to your home

(now in a quiver) My home?

That’s right

But…I can’t

Tell you what Mr. P…Here’s what I am going to do. I am going to hang up this phone and wait. If you want, you can message me your home address in the next half an hour. After that…the window closes

Click.

Yes this is what you do on holidays. No, unfortunately, you do not work for the mob. At least that way you could have saved on tax. You are a regular slave at a regular galley. In fact, you seem to be worse than regular for only you seem to be working today.

So on D-day when no orders are being punched, you can still come to office and guess what? Decorate the place! That’s right. It was not exactly part of your job description. But here it is. Do it and act like you are loving it or be a non-conformist.

With the number of hours you spent rowing, your fellow slaves are more of a family to you than your blood ties. So might as well observe all sins and seasons at your desk. In fact, anything you can do at home, you can do it at office. It is really taking the work-life balance to the next level where all traces of life are wiped out. All traces of personal life anyway.

What do you do on Diwali anyhow? Dress in garish new clothes, put on some lights and ingest some suspect confectionary, right? You can do that here. Come on over. And what else? Give and receive gifts? Mostly give? Tell you what, we can do that too. In fact, we should do it. How can we not treat our customers like family? All these mass produced and bulk procured gifts are not going to mail themselves. And a courier service is just not personal enough. So you have to take this opportunity to further our relations with our customers.

On your ninth call, you start feeling better. You feel like you have effectively killed Diwali and survived! Leave it to business to create clarity. Festivals and holidays are not a time to get together, pay respect to our ancestors and in general create a hum of good wishes. Festivals and holidays are a time to shop. And you can do without this vacuous consumption. You work here long enough and Nirvana doesn’t seem that unattainable.

But you still can’t get over the fact that only you are working today.

You and Mr. Pai. And he did come around by the way. In half an hour, he messaged his residential address. Just when you need your faith in humanity restored, it fails you miserably. But at least, it doesn’t give no false hope.

– J.

  1. “You work here long enough and Nirvana doesn’t seem that unattainable.”

    A classic!

  2. This is the absurd truth … well done! 🙂

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