slavesincorporated

Archive for the ‘e-mail’ Category

OUT OF OFFICE

In Communication, e-mail, humor, Office humor, Resignation on May 19, 2014 at 03:56

Courtesy is a form of formality. And formality is; in most cases, imposed. At least you find it so. This adds to the tedium of being in an office for the major part of your waking day.


Keep calm Courtesy

Till your major jail break takes shape, outdoor duty is the only gasp of fresh air you can take. But this too is fraught with formality starting with: ‘Out of Office’ replies. There are ready formats available ranging from the apologetic: ‘I will have infrequent access to emails. In case of urgency, I can be reached at…’ to the whacky: ‘You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.’ Then there is the high flier who says the same thing in 5 foreign languages in case his long lost Czech friend finally decides to add him on Pinterest

Out of Office Beach

But none suits your style. This is because your style would be to leave no automated reply at all. You can’t imagine anyone’s life depending on your responding to a mail on the same day. But invariably, when you are out of office, some unfortunate soul’s life does land the misfortune of doing so.

Office emergency

There is no escaping formality. So you decide to go through ‘OUT OF OFFICE’ replies that you have received in recent months for inspiration. And there are quite a few of them. A lot of people seem to be gasping for air. One in particular catches your attention for its sheer length:

‘I am out of office right now…

Since you are still reading, might as well make it worth your time. This is a little story about a young girl who had joined us last year. After months of neglect and taking photo copies, she finally left voluntarily. This is the resignation letter she tendered: When I had joined last fall, I felt truly happy after a very long job search. Being a management trainee with this organization would be the perfect start to what I want to be a long career, I thought. The stipend wouldn’t hurt either. In fact, if I commuted by bus, it would help pay off some of my student loan. But after 9 months of only taking photo copies for pretty much everyone in office except the other management trainees, I feel guilty. The pay as I said; doesn’t hurt. Not that I have not eagerly asked for work from anyone who would listen but you guys seem to have everything pretty much covered. An office boy in more dire need of employment could do my work. The only consolation is; the coffee was good!

The letter does not seem to have affected HR much but I thought it would be better than a Plain Jane auto-reply. Thank you for your e-mail. I will get back to you as soon as I rejoin.’

Well, you don’t remember reading this yourself though it lies very much in your inbox. You do believe that rebellion no matter how ill-fated never goes to waste. But you also believe that you should save your energy for those who care and for a time that matters.

Resignation Letter - Cake

For now, you stick to the bare minimum: ‘I am out of office, I will return on the 29th,

And to liven the mood, you add: ‘In case of emergency, dial 911.’

 

– J.

Fwd: This is not a forward

In Blogging, e-mail, humor, Interpersonal, Motivation, Office humor on April 10, 2012 at 05:34

There it sits, smugly in your inbox. It always seems to pop in at the right time…like it knew. Like it knew its presence was required or its intrusion tolerated.

You know you should ignore it. Dump it, junk it, spam it, damn it. But there it sits, smugly in you inbox. In the red of the Unread. Maybe it’s your inherent decency that prevents you from using your spam folder to good effect.

But what the hell, it only asks for a couple of minutes. And this one talks about split second decisions. How could it hurt?

From the land of densely formatted excel sheets, you are transported to a train. A speeding train i.e. And you are in the driver’s seat. A few hundred yards away, innocent kids are playing seemingly unaware of oncoming death!

You have one option. You could turn to the extra track on the right. But there is; off course, a catch. A lone kid is playing on that track too. Maybe he is a kid with a learning disorder or maybe he is simply unpopular. May be he is mature enough to know not to play on the tracks that are in frequent use. You feel a kinship with him already.

But that is not the point here. You have a runaway train on your hands and you could save 7 kids by sacrificing one! The moral dilemma is clear: sacrificing one law abiding unpopular kid for the law flaunting innocuous bunch.

The answer too is clear after a twist at the end. But most of you have received this e-mail forward already. So we shall move on. With appraisals around the corner, you may see this forward as a hint; an allegory even, of things to come. You may find it ludicrous to different degrees depending on how low you rate the clown that sent the forward. The point is if you are not doing your dream job, any distraction is welcome. And you wonder why the cheesiest forwards get perpetuated?

See how far you have drifted now. You had better hit the spam button next time. It is about being assertive. Isn’t that on your resolution list?

The forward did make you think though. Inspiration can arrive in the strangest vehicles. Maybe you can create something of your own. Something that fellow humans find familiar yet worth reading, obvious yet difficult to articulate, until now. It will definitely not be as lame as a ‘motivational’ forward. And you wouldn’t want to spam people either. It would be the anti-thesis of a motivational e-mail, a weekly epiphany via blog post. To espouse the mild mannered adventures of a nine-to-fiver seems like a worthy cause. You can call it Slaves Incorporated (TM).

– J.