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Archive for the ‘Monday’ Category

Hobbies and Jobbies

In Blogging, Monday, Motivation, Office humor, SlavesInc, Wage Slaves, work life balance on October 27, 2017 at 17:12
Employment is an increasingly thin disguise for lives being spent on auto-pilot. Hours, years, decades spent at desks convincing yourself that this is what you were born to do. Your entire childhood, education and the relative exuberance of your youth add up to this contract of employment at this CTC. Most of your time and faculties are spent not in working but in telling yourself that this…it it. This is all there is to life. This and shopping. Shopping is why you exist. And voting once in a while. In the modern world, we are consumers first, citizens later. Social media; at best, let’s us humour ourselves. At worst, it keeps you in a semi-comatose state throughout the day. Man did not evolve to grow old in cubicles. But via the miracle of the modern economy he can gladly do so simply because everybody else is. The mass tranquilization of conformity.
Stray ideas and interests can be kept as pets and called hobbies. Something you do in your free time, on the side, in the most inconsequential way possible.  ‘Yeah, he still does that…collecting stamps,’ followed by a sympathetic smile. As if we were describing a disease he has to live with, ‘Yeah, he loves getting Asthma, but only in his free time…and on rainy days.’ We never reserve the same disdain for day jobs, ‘Yeah, he is Vice President Marketing now. It only took him twenty years, two angioplasties and one divorce to get there.’ Hobbies are looked down upon as guilty pleasures. Not only can they not earn a livelihood they are not even supposed to. Which is why the most powerful people in the world are the ones who have made making money their hobby. A single-minded pursuit of money is bound to succeed in a world designed to worship it. But simply existing in defiance of it is the bigger success. In times when money is by itself a consumer product, a healthy detachment is essential to maintain sanity. You don’t have to be a hermit though. Struggling artists give artists a bad name. The compulsively struggling down on his luck stereotype is why we can’t imagine a world run by artists instead of politicians and businessmen. There would be no material progress, only a never-ending hippie party. And it’s probably true. If artists ran the world we may not have had nuclear power but then we would not have needed it either.
I still know people who state ‘General Knowledge’ as a hobby. GK. Admittedly, they are all old. But there was a time; not long ago, when it was cute that uncle Shyam could recite the capital of Azerbaijan and all Soviet states in alphabetical order. Now; in the 4G era, it is just sad. But at least Shyam had a personality. He tried to grasp something beyond the mundane. We remember people for their quirks, not their routines. If your entire life’s work amounts to a flat in the suburbs and a few FDs, the world could have probably done without you. ‘He was a nice guy…yeah…’
– Punit Pania

Parking Spot

In Commute, Flexi Timings, HR, humor, Monday, Office humor, Routine on March 27, 2012 at 01:22

They say routine kills the man. But you can’t go renegade in a suit. And you can’t go bar hopping on weekdays…especially if you need to punch in 8 hours of solid rowing to earn your bread. So you build a routine for yourself to keep sane and healthy. It is like your own personal boot camp. It is designed to keep you compliant for now and fit for later, when your grand early retirement plans unfold (more on that later).

The great thing about routine is that it builds on itself. More and more days spent in the same manner with only a date to tell them apart. But let’s not get negative now. We need to think happy thoughts first thing in the morning.

You have left early and beat the morning rush, as planned. If you stay discrete, you will be able to utilize flexi timings, leave early and beat the rush in the evening again! A perfect Monday, who would have thought such a thing existed?

As you drive in, you almost bite your black tongue. The lot looks different, the entrance is ajar and your parking spot taken. You feel the kind of dread one does when the hero realizes a double-cross right before intermission.

Your sweet parking spot is taken. This early in the morning. Who could it be? Most colleagues and HS must still be in bed or cursing their alarm clocks. You hover around the Van that has taken your place. You ask the guard as you get down to inspect the violating vehicle up close.

‘It is that new lady in HR, sir’, says the guard sounding like he is unveiling a major development in a pot boiler.

‘The whole lot is empty, why does she have to park here?’ you ask rhetorically. Off course she will park here, it is right next to the exit.

Before the guard can answer, you shoot another rhetorical, ‘She brings her baby to the office?’ You are going by the most rage-inducing sticker in auto history that is stuck on her van:

‘Baby on Board’

‘I don’t know sir, but she does bring a rather large bag with her.’

You think of parking in such a way that she can’t move out without you backing out first. But your inner gentleman holds you back, ‘Not yet’ he whispers. You spend the rest of the day feeling uneasy, like an OCD patient forced to play scrabble in Russian!

What if this Van-driving early rising lady doesn’t change her routine? Worse, what if she asks you to car pool with her? To get up any earlier, you would have to brush while driving and shave in office. There is only one thing left to do.

She is not the only one who can let a sticker announce her disposition:

Yours will say:

Kill me, I am going to work!

–          J.

A Case of the Mondays

In day of creation, high altitude, humor, inanimate object, Monday, music system, Office, Wage Slaves on August 22, 2011 at 02:42

With your bed pushed against the wall, there is only one side you can get up on. That throws ‘the wrong side of the bed’ phrase out of the window.

…except, if the one side left to get up from is the wrong side. A scary thought. But its just as well to blame an inanimate object because you feel like killing someone today!

If you thought you were running late before, have a look at the traffic ahead. This could only mean one thing…

It is…a Monday (the horror¡)

 

If only you had gotten up five minutes early, you would not have missed your 7.45. But someone had to stay up till late. Someone had to salvage a Sunday lost to lethargy. And now someone will have to pay.

As you hang on in the crowded bus, more and more wage slaves pack in, looking similarly miffed. Yes, the bus has AC but it is huffing and puffing like an asthmatic at high altitude. Yes the bus has a music system, but they are playing ‘Linkin Park‘ on MIDI. As you move into an increasingly uncomfortable stance to avoid squeezing against fat aunties, you can’t help but think: this is a good time for an out-of-body-experience!

When you finally get down, you feel like you have just finished running a marathon with bricks on your back, and no shoes. You are late but you have to punch in. By the time you reach your workstation, 4 colleagues have wished you good morning, 3 have handed you pending files and 1 gave a you a stare. All you could give in return was a look that said, ‘What the pudding did you have for breakfast!’

 

It can only go downhill from here. Your worst fears of the lack of positive thinking are about to come true. After your seventh unsuccessful attempt at signing in to your mailbox, you throw in the towel.

 

You switch off the monitor, get up and walk out into a sick live. At least, you will live to fight another Monday.

– J.

Having put it Down

In chirp, day of creation, Hopsquatch, humor, Monday, Office, pontification, Resignation, true enlightenment, vintage car on July 31, 2011 at 23:53

The spring in your step and chirp in your voice is new. But you are used to it already. You greet friend, stranger and co-worker alike. Your average use of the word ‘no’ has dropped to record lows.

Anger has never known you and Benevolence finds a new friend in you. Position, pontification and other terrestrial phenomenon drop out of your field as gravity fails to keep up with you. It may seem like you have achieved Nirvana but unlike true enlightenment, your bliss is temporary, time-bound. And you know it.

But it doesn’t stop you from feeling re-christened; such is the feeling of deliverance. You no longer feel tight under the collar or weak at the knees. For having put your papers down, you are a free bird…till you move into your new galley.

You find people on your contact list you have never called. You try clothes from your closet that have never seen the light of day. With your hair down and your spirits up, you turn a blind eye to the calendar…until, the day before. Realization hits you like gravity hits an out-of fuel airplane.

Realization finally hits you

Like a convict on the last day of parole and a vintage car out for its final spin, you feel anxiety set in. It brings its friends denial, fear and depression along. You rue all the occasions you cursed time for being sluggish. There are so many movies to see, places to go and people to meet. But you can’t, for tomorrow is a befitting first day. Monday, Satan’s follow-up to the Day of Creation.

Having reached the stage of acceptance, you feel not defeat but purpose. Only if you start again will you get to the next interlude of fleeting bliss.

– J.