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Posts Tagged ‘car pool’

Parking Spot

In Commute, Flexi Timings, HR, humor, Monday, Office humor, Routine on March 27, 2012 at 01:22

They say routine kills the man. But you can’t go renegade in a suit. And you can’t go bar hopping on weekdays…especially if you need to punch in 8 hours of solid rowing to earn your bread. So you build a routine for yourself to keep sane and healthy. It is like your own personal boot camp. It is designed to keep you compliant for now and fit for later, when your grand early retirement plans unfold (more on that later).

The great thing about routine is that it builds on itself. More and more days spent in the same manner with only a date to tell them apart. But let’s not get negative now. We need to think happy thoughts first thing in the morning.

You have left early and beat the morning rush, as planned. If you stay discrete, you will be able to utilize flexi timings, leave early and beat the rush in the evening again! A perfect Monday, who would have thought such a thing existed?

As you drive in, you almost bite your black tongue. The lot looks different, the entrance is ajar and your parking spot taken. You feel the kind of dread one does when the hero realizes a double-cross right before intermission.

Your sweet parking spot is taken. This early in the morning. Who could it be? Most colleagues and HS must still be in bed or cursing their alarm clocks. You hover around the Van that has taken your place. You ask the guard as you get down to inspect the violating vehicle up close.

‘It is that new lady in HR, sir’, says the guard sounding like he is unveiling a major development in a pot boiler.

‘The whole lot is empty, why does she have to park here?’ you ask rhetorically. Off course she will park here, it is right next to the exit.

Before the guard can answer, you shoot another rhetorical, ‘She brings her baby to the office?’ You are going by the most rage-inducing sticker in auto history that is stuck on her van:

‘Baby on Board’

‘I don’t know sir, but she does bring a rather large bag with her.’

You think of parking in such a way that she can’t move out without you backing out first. But your inner gentleman holds you back, ‘Not yet’ he whispers. You spend the rest of the day feeling uneasy, like an OCD patient forced to play scrabble in Russian!

What if this Van-driving early rising lady doesn’t change her routine? Worse, what if she asks you to car pool with her? To get up any earlier, you would have to brush while driving and shave in office. There is only one thing left to do.

She is not the only one who can let a sticker announce her disposition:

Yours will say:

Kill me, I am going to work!

–          J.

Pool My Car

In Commute, humor, Office humor on November 21, 2011 at 02:57

You can’t remember anybody wanting to know so much about you. Age, allergies, occupation, orientation, vegetarian/non-vegetarian/vegan, musical preferences, whether you believe in aliens and your stand on the Kennedy assassination. You are sure you are not in a dream being interviewed by Oprah. You would have felt better or at least had better clothes on.

What you are wearing is close to rags and what you are feeling is close to rage. Yet you have to do this for the only other option is travelling alone and bugged through this world. No, you are not a reluctant hen in a speed dating nest. You are trying to car pool. Even though you are not yet comfortable with car pooling being both a noun and a verb, you are trying.

Between marathon snarls and dearer barrels, you are mortified to step out of the house. But reach the galley you must, preferably on time. So you brave pooler forums and ‘get started instructions’. If you are not convinced yet, carbon footprint calculations are thrown at you for good measure. Not only are you driving towards poverty and bad credit ratings you are also choking Gaia. Fill out our form you stupid polluting pig is what the site screams at you.

So you start filling out what feels like an interrogation before eventual relegation to the No Fly List.

No smoking

No discussing religion

No coming late

No consumption of food, fodder or liquids

….

You realize this is going to drain you in more ways than one. While you could use a more affordable commute, the last thing you need is another group of forced formal relations. You ctrl+w poolyourcar.com and confirm your bank balance. Carbon footprint my dusty boot space!

Cartoon appeared in DNA, 5th Nov, 2011

–          J.