
Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’
The Biggest Ponzi Scheme in the World
In Big Brother, Christmas, HR, humor, Motivation, Wage Slaves on December 24, 2016 at 08:39
Secret Santa
In HR, Office humor, SlavesInc on December 25, 2014 at 05:07Both secrets and good deeds have been conspicuously absent from your life thus far. So a good deed carried out secretly would be against the run of play indeed. To say that the chances of such a thing happening to you or by you are low would be an understatement.







EliteInc.
In Festivals, humor, Interpersonal, Office humor on October 13, 2013 at 01:47A company is a highly designed place full of people who have landed there by default. Once there, they learn the rules of the reality show called employment. Like in any other motley group, some learn fast, others learn the hard way.
You always wanted to learn fast. But wanting is only the first step. And you have your whole working life to figure out the rest.
A slew of colourful boxes has made it to the office in the morning sending much a flutter on an otherwise ordinary day. The boxes are too small to be product consignments and too bright to be routine stationary. They have to be gifts, big ones. It is not nearly festive season yet nor is the birthday or retirement of any office celebrity in the offing.
Gossip, speculation and wild guesses rule till some time before lunch when the coveted boxes containing unknown payload start being handed out by none other than Head Slave himself. Each recipient emerges from the cabin a happy man, one box richer than when he went in. It is a rare sight. He also announces the name of the next man summoned into the sanctorum.
Then, the summons just stop and the exercise is at a sudden but definite end. So exciting this has turned out to be that no one noticed the pattern to the chosen box receivers. ‘It is a Diwali gift, only for line managers,’ said smirking Smriti just in case you had missed the appeasement.
You have never been one for giving or receiving gifts. But those boxes were just so…happy looking. You feel like a step-kid on Christmas day in a crowded family. Like a stray dog who is not cute enough to get attention and not weak enough to earn sympathy. Like the only guy without a date at a swanky coffee house. You have actually approached HS’ cabin and are standing dangerously close as Smriti makes the obvious more biting my mouthing it.
You walk off without acknowledging the glee on her face. You can now the see the boxes distributed over various desks, not distributed over others. But they don’t seem colourful anymore. They look a distant grey. Before the discrimination kills your appetite, you decide to head off for lunch. You ask around for company, making it a point not to ask the gift recipients. This does not stop Smriti from pitching in:
‘Can’t come, all line managers have been invited to a special lunch at The Chateau`!’
‘Did I ask you?’ you snap back, ‘I am only asking mortal non-line managers.’
Visibly recoiling from your outburst, Smriti walks off saying, ‘We need to talk.’
A company is a highly designed place full of people who have landed there by default. You try to be tolerant. But trying is only the first step. And you have your whole working life to get used to the rest.
– J.
Christmas in Prison
In Head Slave, humor, Office humor, work life balance on December 24, 2011 at 19:38It is just you and two fellow humans breathing in the thin air of your surroundings. There is enough food to last you a week. There are also some random electric supplies that one could make into a radio or a sailboat, if one were Jimmy Neutron. But what will decide this arduous stay is will power more than physical resources.
Sounds like yet another season of Survivor? It could be. But for now, it is only a lonely Christmas in office. Some of you may have used up all your lifelines (leaves). Some simply don’t have much to stay home for. Others would not know what to do with themselves in the free time. Either way, you have to deep breathe through this one long day without going into a depressive episode.
Your Galley does provide a homely atmosphere complete with lights, a crib and a Santa (10 clams/hour). But instead of cheering you up, it only reminds you of what you are missing. Yes there are free rum cakes and ‘holiday music’, but that is the least your Enslaver can do for keeping you on the most special day of the year.
You want to walk out into a half day. But you can’t before you finish your assignment for the day: sending a Christmas greeting to all your customers, many of whom have only a casual acquaintance with English. Also you need to make the greeting ‘different’ as ordered in the two-liner from Head Slave’s fruity phone.
As greeting after greeting pours into your phone and on your computer, you just can’t imagine what a ‘different’ greeting would be like. You have already received the images Google search throws up in your inbox.
What if Santa was carrying a pitch fork or an i-Pad?…probably not in business communication. All you have written so far is: ‘Merry Christmas’ in different font colors. The spastic nursery rhymes and pay per hour Santa are not helping. Your concentration is further violated when Office Santa comes to your workstation and demands you vocalize a wish. You feel like a thousand little elves are dancing around your head urging you to punch Santa in the face.
With monumental effort, you don’t. You hit the send button and walk out. You realize that more than morals and dreams, what you have sold for a monthly salary is time. But at least you have this evening to salvage.
You wouldn’t wish a lonely holiday on your mortal enemy.
– J.