slavesincorporated

Posts Tagged ‘Diwali’

EliteInc.

In Festivals, humor, Interpersonal, Office humor on October 13, 2013 at 01:47

A company is a highly designed place full of people who have landed there by default. Once there, they learn the rules of the reality show called employment. Like in any other motley group, some learn fast, others learn the hard way.

You always wanted to learn fast. But wanting is only the first step. And you have your whole working life to figure out the rest.


Tom_Sawyer_Gang__South_Park_by_Nuii_Pirate

A slew of colourful boxes has made it to the office in the morning sending much a flutter on an otherwise ordinary day. The boxes are too small to be product consignments and too bright to be routine stationary. They have to be gifts, big ones. It is not nearly festive season yet nor is the birthday or retirement of any office celebrity in the offing.

Gifts

Gossip, speculation and wild guesses rule till some time before lunch when the coveted boxes containing unknown payload start being handed out by none other than Head Slave himself. Each recipient emerges from the cabin a happy man, one box richer than when he went in. It is a rare sight. He also announces the name of the next man summoned into the sanctorum.

Then, the summons just stop and the exercise is at a sudden but definite end. So exciting this has turned out to be that no one noticed the pattern to the chosen box receivers. ‘It is a Diwali gift, only for line managers,’ said smirking Smriti just in case you had missed the appeasement.

Poggie

You have never been one for giving or receiving gifts. But those boxes were just so…happy looking. You feel like a step-kid on Christmas day in a crowded family. Like a stray dog who is not cute enough to get attention and not weak enough to earn sympathy.  Like the only guy without a date at a swanky coffee house. You have actually approached HS’ cabin and are standing dangerously close as Smriti makes the obvious more biting my mouthing it.

You walk off without acknowledging the glee on her face. You can now the see the boxes distributed over various desks, not distributed over others. But they don’t seem colourful anymore. They look a distant grey. Before the discrimination kills your appetite, you decide to head off for lunch. You ask around for company, making it a point not to ask the gift recipients. This does not stop Smriti from pitching in:

‘Can’t come, all line managers have been invited to a special lunch at The Chateau`!’

‘Did I ask you?’ you snap back, ‘I am only asking mortal non-line managers.’

Visibly recoiling from your outburst, Smriti walks off saying, ‘We need to talk.’

Gift boxes tie

A company is a highly designed place full of people who have landed there by default. You try to be tolerant. But trying is only the first step. And you have your whole working life to get used to the rest.

– J.

The Drop of Diwali

In Festivals, Holidays, Office humor, work life balance on November 12, 2012 at 15:26

‘Mr. Pai?’

Speaking

I am calling to confirm your office address

My office address? What for?

For the drop.

Err…

It is that time of the year Mr. P

But what is it?

Let’s just call it a surprise

(now in a whisper) But I…don’t like surprises. Nor does my boss. It is against policy in fact.

We can always send it to your home

(now in a quiver) My home?

That’s right

But…I can’t

Tell you what Mr. P…Here’s what I am going to do. I am going to hang up this phone and wait. If you want, you can message me your home address in the next half an hour. After that…the window closes

Click.

Yes this is what you do on holidays. No, unfortunately, you do not work for the mob. At least that way you could have saved on tax. You are a regular slave at a regular galley. In fact, you seem to be worse than regular for only you seem to be working today.

So on D-day when no orders are being punched, you can still come to office and guess what? Decorate the place! That’s right. It was not exactly part of your job description. But here it is. Do it and act like you are loving it or be a non-conformist.

With the number of hours you spent rowing, your fellow slaves are more of a family to you than your blood ties. So might as well observe all sins and seasons at your desk. In fact, anything you can do at home, you can do it at office. It is really taking the work-life balance to the next level where all traces of life are wiped out. All traces of personal life anyway.

What do you do on Diwali anyhow? Dress in garish new clothes, put on some lights and ingest some suspect confectionary, right? You can do that here. Come on over. And what else? Give and receive gifts? Mostly give? Tell you what, we can do that too. In fact, we should do it. How can we not treat our customers like family? All these mass produced and bulk procured gifts are not going to mail themselves. And a courier service is just not personal enough. So you have to take this opportunity to further our relations with our customers.

On your ninth call, you start feeling better. You feel like you have effectively killed Diwali and survived! Leave it to business to create clarity. Festivals and holidays are not a time to get together, pay respect to our ancestors and in general create a hum of good wishes. Festivals and holidays are a time to shop. And you can do without this vacuous consumption. You work here long enough and Nirvana doesn’t seem that unattainable.

But you still can’t get over the fact that only you are working today.

You and Mr. Pai. And he did come around by the way. In half an hour, he messaged his residential address. Just when you need your faith in humanity restored, it fails you miserably. But at least, it doesn’t give no false hope.

– J.